I just celebrated my birth...

 I just celebrated my birth and as I opened my laptop, I fully expected to be using exclamations rather than ellipses... but I as I lifted my screen, deciding what to write about, and my birthday came to mind, I thought about my mom. We're kind of in a limbo post disagreement. A limbo held by celebrations and traveling and visits. It doesn't feel good to have this resistance in my body when I think about calling her and this drop in my stomach when I think about my birthday.

She literally gave me the gift of my life. I should be celebrating her in gratitude. Maybe that's part of my problem. I so badly want her to be celebrating me and singing my praises from the rooftops and perhaps I just need to be showering her in gratitude and let the rest go. I'm in such a fantastic place in my life: amazing husband, kind loving kids, fulfilling purposeful career, beautiful home, fantastic cat, super awesome friends, a great strong body, exciting goals and dreams that feel possible! 

As I reflect on my life, I really love my journey and where I'm at right in this very moment. Even just exactly where I'm at: Monday morning in my cute new "WEIRDO" unicorn adorned cozies, with a freshly emptied mug of coffee, brought to me in bed by my loving husband, listening to my kitty's bell jingling around as he pounces on and pats around a hair tie, writing and reflecting. Doing exactly as I wish on my own time. My life is good! Really GOOD!

Even as I went to pull some cards this morning from "The Muse Tarot" by Chris-Anne, as I opened the box, a card, separated from all the others by the Guidebook, "21 The WORLD COSMOS ~ Completion and full-circle joy are on the way!" fell out. It seemed that's all I needed today. Here's the card's message and I'll tell you why this is the only one I'll look at today:

"Keywords: Completion, success, attainment, celebration, full-circle joy, ending of a cycle, ascension, tying up loose ends, travel plans, a reminder to follow through. 

Prompt: Vibrational attainment. 

Message: She remembers the little girl she used to be, jumping off the cliff into these unknown waters of divine magic. And now, she lives here... totally at home in this ocean of creation... and she rises out of her vast Universe with the world in her hands --- and everything is coming to completion. All of the energy is culminating into exciting new endings of success and joy. She smiles, because the closure of fruition is sweet. You've made it. Celebrate. The cycle ends. The circle closes. She asks you to enjoy this coming chapter and to witness your success that is on the way. Soon, you will prepare to be the Fool once more, poised for another new ocean of possibility. But first, a moment to breathe and enjoy your accomplishments. You deserve this success!

In wholeness rise now

Bright above

The cusp of joy surrounds--

Sweet full circle of

Paths fulfilled

Ascendance skips and bounds"

So, let me breathe and take it all in. As I reflect on my 39th year, I get to truly celebrate a year that was BIG! 

I took care of a dear friend and mentor in his final days. Through the process, he gave me the gift of feeling into and claiming more of my mother energy and place in the world and nurtured a deep multi-dimensional love. I felt the intensity of saying "goodbye for now" after getting closer than we've ever been as he said goodbye to his life and body.

I took time to be alone, away from my family to focus on my work and career and level up. I completed my intense coaching certification program, all my required coaching hours, and submitted my graduation requirements for review. I started my Men's Sexuality Major. I stepped into the scary place of raising my coaching rates.

I learned how to ride a motorcycle, got my license and bought a 1980 Yamaha XS400!

We got our perfect adventure kitten Chossy! He joined us on our climb up Lovers Leap where my Love proposed to me!

I traveled out of the country on my own for the first time and went to a women's retreat where I knew no one. I accomplished my goal for the week and orgasmed big and bold in a room full of women doing the same! I had intense energetic sex, made love, with Earth on a beach, in a thrown in the tidepools! I birthed my inner cosmic chicken! I fell in love with my breasts and my nature. I found power in my spirit about my path for men, humanity and our planet and made peace with not having kids of my own. I made life long friends... Sisters.

I got married to my best friend and his amazing kids and celebrated with some of our most favorite people on the land we took stewardship of!!! We blessed it with our love and intentions. We committed to our deep love that extends back lifetimes. 

I road tripped with my mom from Colorado to California and back. We got matching tattoos, and got our aunt in on the action too! I brought her to Burning Man for her first time and my 9th and got to meet one of her high school friends at Mom Camp.

My Husband and I climbed to the top of one of the tallest mountains in the world, Kilimanjaro, and fell more in love with each other and the people and the planet. We got to see some of our favorite animals up close in the wild and make love in the Serengeti! 

And on my birthday... I officially became a Certified VITA Sex Love and Relationship Coach. 

This has been a WILDLY successful year. And I got to celebrate with friends I absolutely ADORE. I don't know what more is possible, what more could possibly on the way, but I'm here for it! 

As I finished this all up, I got a message from my mom with the energy of repair. Whatever rifts we experience don't last long. She's not just my mom, she's my soul sister. And as I look back on this amazing year and life, I can't help but feel so much gratitude for my amazing mom the opportunity to be on the planet in this form living this life. Shout out to my dad on the other side too!